“When you talk about going back to Toronto, you light up, and that you can’t fake”
Dang. You have to appreciate honesty eh?
And the thing is, that even though I don’t have every step planned out, I am genuinely excited.
Like the quote says, most of the time I am not quite ready, but I go anyway. If I was always waiting until I am ready I would never move…
And because of that I took a moment to meditate on what I am excited about in this move.
I am looking forward to discovering a new city. I’ve never actually lived there and learning about the places that will make me feel at home; the cafes, the bookshops, the running paths, my favorite cinema…what will my Saturdays look like?
I can’t wait to meet “my people”. I know that I have an existing community in the city and I have the most incredible community spread all over the world. It can be scary moving to a new place when I have been so blessed with truly the most incredible “family “all over who have challenged me, encouraged me for so long. So meeting my new people is one I look forward to. What will they do? How will we meet?
Experiencing re-connection. I have had the privilege of meeting many people who have touched my life. Some for a few years, others more than a decade. Living near so many that were an important part of my uni years is actually really cool. Though we have grown up and went our ways I look forward to having time to reconnect.
The adventures of road trips! This may be a silly one, but I love driving and discovering new cities. I already have plans for Maine and Rhode Island and maybe even the entire East Coast of Canada.
But even though I am excited and looking forward to a lot, the honest truth is that I have never been so sad and so excited all at once. Sad because I am leaving the known, the familiar and in every season there remains an aspect of the unknown.
Will I fit in? Will my time away have changed me too much? Will the community I long for be there?
The thing is, even 12 years ago, prior to moving to London I asked myself the same questions and I have had the most incredible life so far. God provided me with more than I ever expected…so it got me thinking about choices.
We were created with free will. We choose to love God. We make decisions daily about our life, big and small.
We were also created to be in relationship with Christ.
I believe when we are in relationship with Christ and truly spending time in conversation, in His word, then our choices will be in line with His best for us.
And so logically, all the what if’s and maybe’s aren’t so scary.
I always go back to the verse that I read the day I made the decision to move to London.
O Lord, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up [my entire life, everything I do];
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And You are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue [still unspoken],
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And [You have] placed Your hand upon me.
Such [infinite] knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high [above me], I cannot reach it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol (the nether world, the place of the dead), behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will take hold of me.
He has never failed me. He has always brought me from Strength to Strength. So, I step out, not quite ready, a bit trepidatious, excited…
What will the next season look like!?