A New Level of Trust

I often hear the term “oh, I am waiting on God”. Actually, not only do I hear that term, but I myself have said it, numerous times, in context of anything from a relationship to a job, to any kind of answer for which I feel like I cannot control. I see it all the time, plastered across numerous blogs, preached in sermons, and most importantly even in the Bible.

In fact, every morning, at 9:55am I get a reminder flashed on my phone:

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

It has long been a topic on this blog about allowing God to take control.

Even recently I wrote about having a trust without borders and the lessons in peace and humility that allowing God to have control brought. However, it was not until I was spending time with an amazing friend in NYC that our discussion led to a new and deeper understanding of God and his timing.

You see, in January I strongly felt that God was telling me to stop even considering my next steps and to simply (not so simple) take each day and allow myself to do well with what was in my hands. Whilst I accepted this and as you can read in my post, learned many valuable lessons from that time. Funny though, because just 6 weeks after writing this post I began to get a bit antsy. It was only when I went to NYC and hung out with C that I began to understand what God was trying to teach me next.

10626453_10152435093227091_4653617695945005897_nC and I had not seen each other in years, but as only true friends can, we picked up where we had left out. It was in this discussion that God spoke to me. At first, difficult to articulate, I later came to understand this.

My child, you tell me you trust me, you make all the effort to do what is asked of you, but you still give me timelines.

It hit hard, the realisation that although I gave God my every day, it was with the subconscious understanding that he would provide when in my time. For me that meant that as I finished my thesis, I would go to a few interviews and miraculously I would have a job before the end of summer. Funny thing, our timing, it is rarely, I hasten to even say, never God’s.

Now, while God continually and faithfully provided for me from June to October when I finally got my full time position, it was not in the manner I saw coming.

Do you not believe, live in the complete understanding that I love you so much that I want to give you my very best. I see the desires of your heart, the longings of your soul, I put them there. I love you enough to keep you from that which will not be my best for you.

But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. Matt 6:33 (AMP)

It is much easier to say you will trust God for a spouse until you are in your 30s and you see your body adding hair in places you did not want.

It is much easier to trust God for that job until you are dangerously close to running out of money.

It is much easier to trust God for that new apartment until you have just bought another one and you have not sold your first.

It is always easier to trust God on our terms. For me, it used to be hard to trust God in even the small things…but as we grow, as we mature, God allows us to be stretched and grow. It used to be that I would take a job just because I was worried I could not pay the bills. This time, I trusted and I waited on Him…and again, he showed me His love in beautiful and even outstanding ways.

I guess what I am trying to say is that…

Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice. Isaiah 41:10

Allow your trust in God to stretch you further, wait on Him…the answers will come…it may not be as tangible as a house, or a husband, it may be a lesson in understanding your purpose, your place, your destiny…

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

Babies, no thanks…(at least not now)

The post is most definitely inspired by the last 2 hours of my life. I giggled and cried through “What to expect when you’re expecting” and as I walked home in the glorious sunshine cast across our city I was inspired.

When I was dating my ex he asked me how many kids I would want. Surprising myself I said, 3-5 depending on where I ended up and finances etc. I had zero problem thinking about a future with babies running around, I was in love, secure and I was promised diamonds per child (jokes). Fast forward to just two weeks ago and I was babysitting my dear friend’s little girl. Though I would throw myself off a bridge to save that little girl, I love her so much, being single again, the thought of children makes me want to throw myself over that same bridge voluntarily. It really does come down to this, I reckon, our bodies, our minds, and our emotions prepare us for different seasons in our lives. Not being in love, imaging my life with children is rightly formidable…I want a dog and even that’s a commitment.

As I enter a new season of my life I find that there are particularly changes in my personality (the fact that every time I buy something I think “would I really want to pack this?”) as well as my emotional state when dealing with a variety of different situations, that are preparing me for next steps. Even now as I think about what the next season in my life may be I look back and see how decisions and circumstances have guided me there. The desires of my heart haven’t changed, I always wanted to pursue this path, but I wasn’t yet prepared to carry out the next season for all it could be. Equally, I’m not going to go out and pursue motherhood in my current season of life, it’s not the right time, i’m not prepared.

I’m so thankful to God that He created us the way He did. Each part of us, our physical, spiritual and emotional selves are so interconnected. Further, He cares enough to weave each part together creating a beautiful pattern that is our lives. We simply need to trust in His perfect timing and His perfect ways.

Frankly, even in the hardest times I’m comforted by the fact that His ways are greater than mine…I challenge you to do the same.