I remember getting on the plane, August 21 2005. I was 22.
It wasn’t the first time I had made a major life decision to separate myself from those closest to me and move.
I was barely 18 when I moved from Vancouver, BC to St. Catharines, ON to go to university. Who knew that meeting a girl called Sarah in my first year would somehow lead me to moving abroad just four years later.
This time the catalyst is different.
This time it’s about a call.
Next month, I’m packing up, leaving Sweden, leaving Europe and heading to California.
Now, as far as I know, California is a stop, SELAH, a break.
I’m going home.
What a loaded word.
When I moved to university, I was 18 and I was leaving the people I love.
Now, as I take a huge step of faith, again I am leaving those I love. But the most beautiful, terrible part is that now, my heart is across the world.
My heart, ripped, torn, stretched and spread from Australia to California, from NYC to Amsterdam, from Stockholm to Moscow.
And now, I go home.
I recently heard a quote that said “home is wherever they want you to stay longer”…so by that definition I think I have home in a few places and for that I am thankful.
I was back in Toronto in September for a short visit. Being in a period of transition I, for the first time, saw the city in a new way, meanwhile striving to get somewhere else. I even hid my feelings until I blurted it out in the car “Do I just want to come home because I have nothing yet to look forward to?”
It was a burden lifted.
Because then, my friend, the journey has been hard. I have spent weeks on end praying, journalling, crying, sitting silently, asking what I should do next.
And all I heard was go.
So, I am.
First stop Cali, next stop Toronto.
Do I have a new job? No. Do I have a plan? Not really.
And for the first time it’s okay because in this season, this is obedience and it’s the one of the most freeing, liberating, peaceful step I have taken.
And it’s exciting.
A man’s mind plans his way [as he journeys through life],
But the Lord directs his steps and establishes them.
So, I take one step. One day at a time. And keep only HIM in sight. For He is the author of my life. And in Him I trust.