She asked me “did you lose yourself a long the way?”
And with tears, slowly rolling down my face, I had to answer yes. Anything else would have been a lie.
The Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines lose this way: to fail to keep or hold (something wanted or valued).
To fail to keep a hold of something valuable.
I lost myself.
I lost something valuable.
I just returned from London where I was at my 10th Colour conference. I know that I know that every year God has something to tell me. I mean, I ask him very specific questions and expect answers, so of course He leans in as I lean in. However, there is always something that surprises me. This was it.
Brooke, Juliet, Cass and Sara were talking about worship and miracles when we sang this song. I want to tell you we all came out of that session looking like fashion models, but the truth is that God, in only the ways He can, used that song to speak to 11,000 women individually. I personally ended up removing all make up and starting again…yeah. That pretty.
During this beautiful moment I heard the words: “Forget those who rejected you for what you are not and hold close those who love you for who you are.”
Even writing these words causes me to pause as the impact of that drives deep into my being. How many of us have experienced rejection, causing us to question who we are, to undermine the person we are meant to be, to wonder if we are enough, to maybe even lose ourselves for a time?
No one? Just me? Okay, cool I am good if I am the only one.
Except I reckon at least one other person may have experienced this, even for 15 seconds, one day while doing laundry.
So…for that one other person who may have once felt this way, this is your turn around moment or at least I hope it can be.
Hold close those who love you for who you are.
I am a huge fan of not caring what others think. I genuinely try to practice this. Except I realised while I don’t necessarily care what others think of who I am, I do care when they don’t accept me on the basis of what I am not.
Kind of crazy right? Except it’s kind of easy to slip into. While we are off not caring if others accept us for who we are, we are chasing those who find fault in what we are not. So then we end up spending a lot of time trying to be what we are not and undermining the beautiful person you are. Forgetting all the talents and skills you have to offer the world, the person you are and trying to fit into a box that “they” have created.
Michelle, you can speak 5 languages but not this one. Michelle, you are really lovely and everything, but you’re just a friend. Michelle, you have all this experience, except. I can go on and on, but examples don’t really matter.
Because actually…I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And God created me the way I am. He made me for such a time as this, to live out my purpose in only a way I am created to. My skill set and talents are something that I have to answer for. When I step into heaven I want to be able to say that I have used all my talents to the best of my ability.
Now, I am leaving behind those who reject me for who I am not and embracing those who love me for who I am, I have found who I am again.
And so what if maybe I spent a period of time lost. The thing is we are never lost when we stand by God, I believe He just allows us to wander a bit…quietly walking beside us, whispering into our very souls, until we understand once again and find our way back to ourselves, just that much stronger.
And even if you get lost a couple times, you are always welcomed back. Because you belong.