It was back in elementary/primary school when a boy tried to bully me.
According to my family I hit him in the stomach and told him he couldn’t do that.
Firm on the understanding of who(se) I was, I fought for myself.
As I have grown into an adult, as reasoning, circumstances and feelings began to shape my decisions more than fact (as is as a child), I found myself fighting for myself less and less, choosing rather to allow unreasonable behaviour of others to govern or affect my life.
Under the guise of “I choose my battles wisely” I found myself using that as an excuse to shrink away or not cause disruption so that I could continue in my comfort zone.
Side note: I will always choose my battles wisely. That will never leave my life, but as I do that, I cannot disregard myself in that choice. Choosing your battles wisely is about knowing when it is worth the fight, not when it might be uncomfortable to face something. This is wisdom.
Here I was, an adult, allowing people to bully me, to disrespect me, to disregard my feelings and my heart, to be selfish with my love, to push me down so they could be higher, all because I didn’t want to fight.
I chose not to fight for many reasons. Maybe it was so that I could find a new job before I quit my last one, maybe it was because I loved my friend dearly and though her words hurt, the battle was too much for me to endure at that moment. Maybe it was because I couldn’t fight for my worth, I was too weak. Sometimes it was because being just his friend hurt less than losing him altogether or maybe it is still because I am just too tired of fighting for myself some days. Some days it is just too much…whatever the situation.
Lately I have been going through a new season. A season where, for many reasons, I have clung closer and closer to God. Some would think that this season was a “bad” one. Alas, it has not been bad or good. The last days have been filled with blessings, with pain, with adventure, with tight schedules and new promises. I cannot classify this season to any one adjective except that I call it my “closer” season.
And in this closer season, one where I have been able to find myself all the more close and in love with God I have been given a gift that money cannot buy.
In my drawing near, in HIS drawing near, I have seen how He has, does and always will fight for me.
In my desirable characteristics in a husband my top ten absolutely includes a man who will fight for me. He will be one who defends my virtue, pursues me with passion (even if the future isn’t simple), fights for our marriage and family on a daily basis. That’s what knight-in-shining-armour looks like to me.
However, in the last days, even though this still remains a character I desire only, until then, and then with, for the rest of my life, I will know, with quiet confidence that my Lord, my Father will always fight for me.
And with that in mind, I will always be able to rest.
Exodus 14:14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
2 Chronicles 20:17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.
Deuteronomy 20:4 For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.
No, you cannot stay there and do nothing. Taking abuse, allowing someone to hurt you, whatever battle you need one, The Lord will fight for you. He gives you everything you need.
In one case He took me out of my job, one that, to everyone else looked amazing (and to most extent it was), but I was being torn down, bullied and taken advantage. I had made the decision to stay until I found something new, God had other plans, but gave me financial stability to get me to the next season. In other cases it was telling the people who hurt me that it was not right because I know that God loves me so much that whatever reaction they have to what I have to say, I will be okay.
God fighting for me means that I am protected. It means that I do not have to do things in my own strength, but with the power of the Holy Spirit behind me.
I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency]. Phil 4:13 AMP
And if the Spirit of Him Who raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, [then] He Who raised up Christ Jesus from the dead will also restore to life your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies through His Spirit Who dwells in you. Romans 8:11AMP
He fights for me and because of that I can be at rest, whether sleeping or awake.
For that I am thankful.