walking by faith

trust

Her steps were soft, calculated as she crossed the dark path. The light seemed to be moving just in front of her illuminating just enough so she did not trip or stumble.  

Walk by Faith. Not by sight.  –2 Corinthians 5:7

 Her eyes adjusted as she kept her focus. The path grew lighter as step by step, adjusting her vision she felt her way along the path. One step up…and then another.

Thy word is a lamp unto my path and a light unto my feet. -Psalm 119:105

At times the stones were so jagged that her steps were short and stunted. Other times the light shone bright and the path smooth. 

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. -Deuteronomy 31:8

Then, just as she felt weary, the steps widened and there she rested for a while…

The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. -exodus 33:14

There are days that the thought of tomorrow makes my entire body run cold. Some days I lay in bed and my entire being aches for someone to be lying next to me. There are times when someone asks me “so, how long are you here for?” where it takes everything for me not to break down and cry. I cannot always escape my thoughts and as powerful as they are there are days when the path is not lit enough for me to take the next step. Somedays the future scares me.

Most days though, I am fine and I simply take one step at a time. One foot in front of the other. I complete one task. I dance around my room.

I trust.

Trust is defined as reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. As humans we have a choice, we can either trust in ourselves or in someone else. By definition you cannot simply trust. Trust has to cling to something, have it’s baring in that which is concrete. Hold onto that which does not change.

If I look back at the words I have written on this blog I would say the majority (with heartbreak coming in a close second) refer to trust. I’m a planner and while one half of my brain is creative, dramatic, artistic, the other half of my brain is logical, realistic and almost accountant like. I remember when I was younger and the teachers all thought I should be an engineer or architect. I’m physiologically wired to want to know and understand outcomes (while fighting for it to be pretty, beautiful and have a soundtrack). I can’t help but want to know what is next (pretty sure I have scared a guy or two away because of this…darn!)

But that is why I cannot trust in me. My brain is wired to be at war with itself.

So what do you do when you cannot even trust yourself?

You trust the one who created you. I trust in the One who never changes.

God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? -Malachi 3:6

My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately andcuriously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery]. Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. -Psalm 139:15-16

He knows what my future holds. He holds my life in His hands (Daniel 5:23). Because of that, on the days that are harder, on the days where i’m not sure…I trust in Him (and a good smack upside the head from a friend).

She took the next step, balancing, her hand holding onto His and she danced…

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