Month: October 2012

It takes two or “I’m glad we met”

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You know, a lot of the past few months have been spent dealing with the hurt, the pain, the brokenness of the last year. I used this as a place where I could think, feel, express and comprehend everything that had gone on. (And with God’s grace, help others in ways I never imagined and for that I’m thankful) And through that entire time there was one thing I never really expressed, the one thing that I always felt but was not ready to say out loud.

When you deal with grief, with brokenness and it involves another person it’s just easier to process what you are going through and not consider the other person. When it comes to breaking up with someone that is more than often the absolute truth. The thing is, that’s okay. It’s okay to just deal with you and to become you again. In my case, find myself, change my life, fix what needed fixing and pursue the dreams I had on my heart for so many years.

For me, I tried a lot, in my prayers, rants and journal entries to understand the other side but frankly, it was not the time.

And then one day that just changed. It’s that moment when you can begin to remember in peace and accept what you knew already: it takes two. There’s always another side to the story, a person on the other other end of the break up. They suffer, they grieve, they hurt and they have their own issues to deal with (because honestly, we all have baggage).

My friend made a comment on Twitter that parents of writers never really get to forget their past mistakes because we use the material in everything we do. Quite frankly, Max Dubinsky was right when he said that you can’t date a writer either, unless you marry them (which he did)…that can’t be easy for the one on the other end.

The other person is human and of course they have to deal with all that went on and move forward. It’s forgiveness, it’s closure and I hope that some day it means a friendly, genuine hello.

We have been given grace beyond what we deserve so we should be giving it too…so for what’s it worth…I’m glad we met…

and for all of you…when it’s time…forgive, forget, remember peacefully…

 

Trust is easy when you know you’re not going to fall

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It’s so easy to trust when things are comfortable. 

When you have more than enough money in the bank…it’s easy to trust.

When you have a boyfriend who wants to hold your hand and whispers about your future…it’s easy to trust.

When you have a steady and fabulous job you love…it’s easy to trust.

When your kids are behaving well…it’s easy to trust.

When every day is bright and the sun warms your skin…it’s easy to trust.

When you are getting good grades in school…it’s easy to trust.

When you can see the path you need to take it’s easy to trust.

BUT…what about when…

Your wife just came home and said she is leaving you…

Your job is not safe because of economic circumstances…

What if your child has been diagnosed with a serious disease…

or what if you simply made some bad choices with serious consequences??

I started thinking about these things as the pastor was talking about tithing on Sunday. I’m an absolute believer in tithing and offering back to God what is His. However, I have to admit that since leaving full time job, moving out of London, starting my own company and basically going “okay, God, you put me here…take care of me” it’s not been as easy to offer that which is already His back to Him. Of course I have but I have had to go back and look at my heart reasons for doing it in the first place.

But this post isn’t about tithing (though important) it’s about the trust I put in God when the outcome isn’t clear or even what I hoped for or the future isn’t certain.

Moving to London was an easy transition in comparison to Stockholm. Though life here is absolutely wonderful, the perfectionist in me thinks I should have been fluent in Swedish two weeks ago, the girl who loves people wants best friends right away, the shopper/traveler wants to know how she will get more income and the planner in me wants to know far too many answers about the future to even start writing here.

But through this process what I am learning (maybe I should have called this post “Two months in,what I have learned) is that in this season in particular, my job is to not only trust the creator of the world, the one who goes before me, the one who loves me, the one who has and will never leave me or forsake me, the one who has planned my life since the world began, the one who knows how many hairs I have on my head (even if I spontaneously cut it on a Monday afternoon)…if that wasn’t enough of a task…and enough reason to trust, my job is to live today so that when I meet a new person I’m prepared. When the next client comes along, I am prepared. When I’m finished my MSc, I’m prepared. When the next opportunity to travel (probably a wedding, it seems to be the trend) comes along, I’m prepared.

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

proverbs 3:5

so, like me…do you have trouble trusting? I’m not sure we ever get to a place where we always trust but I do want to get to a place that instead of trying to solve whatever problem I’m facing, the first thing I do is remind myself who is in control…

The other side of the comfort zone

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photo credit: http://iamaddicted2success.tumblr.com

This one is for those who have jumped, who have stepped up, out or dove right in. This is for those who saw their dream (whatever that might be) and ran toward it. This is also for the dreamers, the ones who are almost there, the ones where tomorrow will never come if you do not step out today…

It’s scary out here.

Last week we hosted Hillsong Conference Europe here in Stockholm. It was almost two months since I had see some of my beautiful friends from London and having them in my new city was incredible. However, it was also super difficult and an amazing reminder of where I was supposed to be. Having my friends here reminded me that there was a time that I didn’t have to explain myself to everyone, or try to not come across as crazy as  I really am. There was a time when I didn’t have to spend exorbitant amounts of money on an english magazine or be able to drink Starbucks whenever I wanted (instead of having to leave the country to do so)…okay, so these things aren’t all life or death but they matter to me at times. I stood in the final session on Friday night, my heart torn in what felt like 9 million pieces and while I knew I would miss everyone I also knew that there was nothing going to stop me from being exactly where I was.

How do you stay where you know you’re supposed to be, when part of your heart is somewhere else? Or maybe how do you continue along the path you started when looking back is much more like the comfy duvet you can snuggle in and chill. How do you keep going when it’s easy to just stop?

The problem is that I have come to understand that not much is done in the comfort zone. Sadly, the scariest parts of life are where we often accomplish the most. Maybe like me, you left your home. Or you decided to pursue that girl you have been dying to get to know and it’s not so easy stepping up. Perhaps you have decided to become a healthier person or even more difficult, you are tackling issue of your past that could hinder your future.

We all have our comfort zones. We all have the place where we hide. I don’t want to condemn or disregard any part of my life or yours, because for a season that place was where we had to live. I do know, from experience, that there is a time to move on and step out of the comfort zone.

And when you do jump don’t expect it to be easy…whatever “it” may be, but that’s okay because when we continue to seek God throughout all seasons of our lives, He gives us the strength, the wisdom, the comfort, the provision…

God didn’t leave the Isrealites, nor did He abandon Joseph. He did not hide from David or abandon Peter. He is always there for us, especially when we take that step of faith and get out of the boat.

For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]. ephesians 2:10 

I wonder what your comfort zone is? or perhaps if you, like me, have moments where you go “wouldn’t it have just been easier to stay the same?”

Maybe…but I stand firm believing that the best really is yet to come…