I’m possibly one of the most tactile people I have ever met. I’m not opposed to holding hands in public, or someone (I know) sitting close to me. One of my best friends frequently sits with her legs on my lap.
I think when you are experiencing pain or brokenness (and this is only my opinion) the effects come out in your most basic responses to love. When I’m in love I want to be near the person I love. Distance makes my heart break and ache. When I love someone, romantic or otherwise, they can be nearer than skin to be an it doesn’t matter.
Two weeks ago my mom came to visit. I barely wanted her near me, I was so broken. Then in the last two weeks I attended an amazing conference (Colour), had my mom and friends near me and stepped into another part of the healing process. I didn’t realise how bad it was, how broken I had been, until 2 days ago when I hurt my back and I could barely move. I was getting a massage and I said something to the lady which opened my eyes to how far I have come in the last two weeks…
“two weeks ago not even my mom could touch me”
Of all people in the world my mom should be the safest and yet even her nearness brought pain. Now that it’s changed I have realised that we often hide our brokenness. Whether it’s hiding away in our homes, by eating too much, by eating too little, by backing away from friends, we often only half heal. It’s not until we completely let our defences down that we can complete or move the healing process along.
I have written about this before, but I was again reminded by Sheila Walsh, that we may not always have the answers, we may want to ask why, but God is sovereign, therefore He is always in control. If the God that sent His son to us so that we can be free loves us that much, He can heal us, whatever the brokenness is.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
So let go, surrender and lean on the one who loves so completely He gave it all so we could be free.