“…When you love someone and you see who they’re going to be, but you know that they’re not quite there yet, so you decide to love them on their journey. Sometimes you have to say, “okay, this is not the choice I would make for you, and the choice you’re making for yourself actually hurts me and my belief in you, but I do believe in you, and I do love you, so I’m going to hang in there for you.”
-Anne Hathaway on her on screen soulmate
A few weeks ago I wrote blog on sacrificial love and how that may mean that watching the person you love make decisions that you wouldn’t necessarily make for them…I included this quote in a post back in August but today, I had two separate conversations and felt that maybe I needed to remind myself about it once again.
This afternoon I spoke to another colleague, a mother, who told me about a story of her son who chose not to take a very good scholarship for a university because he didn’t feel right about it, the opportunity was great, but she accepted his decision, supporting him what he needed to do. 2 years later, a 100% scholarship with a better university has come by and he will now go away. She said, M, I had to let him make the decision that I didn’t necessarily think was the best in order for him to become the man he needed to be.
I live thousands of miles from home, away from immediate family and I have chosen to do this since I was 18…it’s had it’s ups and downs but ultimately my experience is helping shape who I am…and one of the things my mom told me when I left was this “If you ever need to come home I will do everything in my power to get you back; you will not have failed, you will have tried…” In the hardest moments I remembered that I am loved, and that means if I want to come back…I can.
I thought about it and back to a post I wrote about who we are allowing to write our story. We wouldn’t want others to stop us from being what we are meant to become because they thought it was better, would we? When we don’t give someone up, or when we try to force someone into a role, job or place that we think is the best for them, we can breed resentment and anger. When you love someone, truly care about them, you want the best for them even if it hurts or causes discomfort.
Frankly, I would rather see someone flourish and allow them to become all they are here to be…and then be able to celebrate with together…no matter what.