Growing up…

When I was 11/12 years old I, along with 4 girls, wrote, produced and directed a musical for elementary school aged children. I’ve long forgotten the name of the girl who supervised us and coordinated the tour (yep, I got to go on tour. I still remember signing autographs…how funny was that?). Anyway, I do remember when she said to us “I realised I was an adult when I started going out for coffee with my friends.”


I often wonder when I will feel like an adult, when I would feel as if I was grown up. I thought it would be when I moved away to university. Then I thought it would be when I got my first job outside of post grad. Or maybe when I moved into my own flat…then I realised that I don’t think I will ever feel grown up. There are too many lessons to be learned, experiences to have to really feel grown up. Beside, CS Lewis once said “If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world”. I think that applies to growing up. This world isn’t all that we have to think about. It’s not about what I accomplish on this side of eternity but what I’m building for the next. 

My heart isn’t for this world; so nothing will satisfy it completely here…

However, there are still lessons to be learned and this week has been one of those weeks where I have thought about the lessons I have learned and the truths that I know…and then remind myself there is grace…

God is my only complete source of comfort. 

I am going to make mistakes and be selfish…but so will other people. So, we can all get over ourselves and remember we’re not the centre of the world.

Which reminds me…it’s not always about me. Have you thought about why that person reacted that way to you? Maybe they’re going through something? Have you considered the person was rude because maybe they are having a really bad day? It’s not about you, or me for that manner…

When I stop looking inwards and look outwards instead life is just better. It’s more fulfilling and a lot less stress…

I guess what I keep being reminded is that it’s not about me.

I have a wonderful, amazing, overwhelmingly good Heavenly Father who cares about me and has a plan for my life; one that is good and filled with hope…

So, my responsibility is to love Him and love others…and not worry so much about how things will turn out…





It’s usually easier when you know the outcome

Vulnerability: the state of being vulnerable, or being exposed.
Truth? I don’t like being vulnerable.
To me, being vulnerable means exposing myself to outcomes that I have no control over and I like being in control. I like to know what’s next.
To be vulnerable means allowing certain people to speak into my whole life even though it’s scary that someone might know you that well.
To be vulnerable means admitting I can’t do it all and that I do need others.
To be vulnerable means telling people what you think of them even if it means exposing yourself more.
To be vulnerable means letting your heart break for others and stepping out and doing something about what isn’t right in this world.
To be vulnerable means creating space to let God have control (of work, of finance, of your heart)
This past Sunday in church the speaker talked about how God won’t ever force himself into your life. You have to make space for him to move. But by making space you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable, expecting that God is going to do something…even if you don’t know when. He gave His best for us (His son) so why wouldn’t He continue to give His best?
So, I made a decision to make space in particular areas of my life that I haven’t always let God take control of.
I will talk about how practically God is moving one day, but not today. I will say this…By allowing God to take back control it’s actually allowed me to free others from expectations and in that I have been able to become more vulnerable because I know that in the end God will always love me and it’s easy to be vulnerable with someone who loves you…
I’ve been reading this passage over and over today…thinking about how God gave His best for us…How much He loves us…and how if we could grasp the power of His love, how we could change the world…this is my prayer for you…
Paul’s prayer to the Ephesians…v.14-21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.

Who are you allowing to write your story

Christopher Booker wrote a book called The Seven Basic Plots where he stated that every story ever told fits into one of these categories…whilst this may be true I know that my story is different than everyone else…for my story has been written by my Creator…
Having just attended a women’s conference this weekend I have been thinking a lot about my story. In fact, I was thinking a lot about each of the stories of the women there. Jeanne Mayo, in one session, brought 3 women on stage and told their stories of how they took their crisis as an opportunity to grow. Lisa Bevere used examples from her own life to illustrate how we can in fact, not allow someone else to write our story by not accepting another’s solution as an option and Marilyn Skinner told us stories of hope and redemption in Uganda, stories that built faith.
Each of these stories was different. The plot lines are not the same, the endings unknown and the beginnings, a mosaic of tales.
After the conference a beautiful girlfriend of mine said that although she was inspired, she also felt a bit average against all the amazing women who either spoke or were mentioned at the conference. I thought to myself, how often do we want to compare our lives to others. I remember back almost 6 years ago when I first started working in London. I made so little money and here were all my friends who were buying Prada and going on weekend getaways to fancy hotels. I just wanted the ability to do that too. I would get down on myself that I couldn’t do all those things (forget the fact that they were at least 5 years older and had been in the country way longer than I.) I was comparing. Now recently someone brought up the fact that many of my close, dearest friends had “found the loves of their lives” and it had happened all very quickly. Momentarily I thought, well, why isn’t that my story, why is my story not quick and exciting and dramatic? I was comparing…
In Psalm 139 David writes about how God knows every aspect of our lives and how we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows our story and more importantly He knows exactly how it is going to end. God is writing my story. He is writing YOUR story.
I challenge you (and myself) to begin to live your story. Live the life that God is writing for you. St Catherine was quoted saying that if we live God’s will for our lives we’ll set the world on fire.
So, risking sounding terribly cheesy, go set the world on fire and stop thinking that your story isn’t good enough.