…

Except that I know I have to be careful with what I say.

…

5 years from now I’ll probably be texting you saying, “Help, the kids are crying, the hubby wants dinner and I would love to be sitting on that couch, in solitude”

That was a text I sent one of my best friends last week. I was feeling sick and just wanted to be taken care of and quite frankly, be sharing my life with someone. (When I’m ill I have a tendency towards the mellow dramatic…I use the phrase “when I’m ill” loosely).

So last night I did just that. I made pasta (apparently my increase in running is making me actually want the stuff), put on one of my favourite girly movies, lit some candles and found a blanket. The flat mate is out and I am alone.

…

AND I LOVE IT.

So many of you may be thinking that I’m rather weird. Either you are married and wish you still had time alone or you just think I’m strange for thinking the way I do.

Well, historically I have been known to oh, live in the future/hate the season I’m in/want it all now and yesterday. Contentment never really came easy for me. It is not that I don’t appreciate life but I’m a wee bit of a visionary/planner (Emily, if you’re reading this I know, I know…”wee bit” is an understatement), so therefore enjoying the moment is not my strong suit. Casting vision, planning, being creative…all that plays on my strengths.

Enjoying the moment…nah, what’s next?

Except that lately I have learned to simply enjoy the moment. It might be because for the first time since I was 15 years old, I haven’t had to work full time in a summer. I have an entire 3 months to do, literally…whatever I want to do. I have TIME!

Fast forward to June 2014. This is the month I have to hand in my Masters’ dissertation and from that point onwards “real life” will need to begin again. I don’t know what that will look like, but I’m pretty sure “real life” will not include the ability to do whatever I feel like all day long. You see, this is my season to write, to work out as much as I want, to see friends, to lay in the park, to read for hours on end. This is a very unique and special season and I almost ruined it by wanting something that’s just not in this season.

It’s a simple lesson but the grass always seems to be greener on the other side. However, when we learn to water the grass, to appreciate the season we are in, or the side we are on, then that prepares us and makes us ready for the “other side”.

Truthfully? There are a plethora of things that I would like to see in my future, but if I don’t enjoy the season I am in now, if I don’t appreciate and take it step by step then my tomorrow won’t come out the way it’s supposed to.

So, let’s enjoy the seasons we are in and appreciate them for what they are. I am going to stop wanting the next thing all the time (so there’s always room for goals and for dreaming) and simply love the moment.

Now, I’m going to get back to my book…I may just read all day…

Stood in front of the mirror, fresh from the shower, I had a few minutes to myself before I ventured out into the corridor again. On a winter trip with a few of the teens from my church I decided this was the year I was going to snowboard.

Pretty sure I made it up the KIDDIE hill (or Barnbacken på svenska)…oh, once.

I never thought I’d want to declare war on a tow-lift but alas even getting up the hill on that evil contraption was about as fear-inducing as going down, fast, while my feet were glued to a board.

So there I was, a few hours later, completely covered in bruises and feeling…amazing. Yet something I said to my friend B who was teaching me to board, run in my head…

“I don’t like doing anything that I am not good at.”

A few nights ago I was out with some friends for a movie when, prior to the movie, we were chatting and my Swedish skills were put to the test. One guy said to me, “Michelle, you need to get out of your comfort zone.”

You see, I can speak Swedish…and I understand so much, but I don’t speak it a lot with my friends. Why you ask?

 “I don’t like doing anything that I am not good at.”

Recently I started running again. I’m still thinking I’m going to sign up to another ½ marathon but for now, it’s just for me. I’m on day 26 of my 365 running challenge now. The first few days were a struggle. Not because of my fitness levels, but because I was pretty sure I looked ridiculous running. Have you seen those images on the internet? Those “What I think I look like when I’m running” vs “what I really look like.” One image usually involves a bikini clad super model and the other a slobbering hound.

Truth is, I don’t look like either of those but it’s amazing what our minds trick us into.

I’m in the middle of what I call my “life break”. It’s actually not a break from life, you can’t take a break from life but you can have a season where things change, where you break away from the norm, where you refocus and redirect. This is the season of life I am in.

It’s a season where I am constantly having to get out of my comfort zone. You see, I have a LOT of dreams and ambitions for life and frankly, prior to August 22 I was living a great life but I was also smack RIGHT in the middle of the comfort zone.

And with all the respect to my old life, which, to many, and even to me, was fantastic…it sucked.

I had become too reliant on norms, comforts and myself.

I was lounging in the comfort zone.

So, being…well me…as you all know I changed my life drastically and with only one focus to ensure I kept running my race well and towards the ultimate goal (Jesus, if you didn’t know). I want all of my life to focus on Him, bringing glory to Him and showing others His love and grace.

I figured if I’m running to Him then everything else will fall into place.

What I have learned though is that following Him has taken me so far out of my comfort zone that I am pretty much constantly uncomfortable.

Going to church…

Uncomfortable.

Going to school…

Uncomfortable…

Writing for Beyond Rubies and SoWorthLoving…

Uncomfortable…

Just all…uncomfortable. Although they are seemingly normal and mundane things to one person there are aspects that make all these things uncomfortable to me. There are aspects to each of these things that I am not good at.

“I don’t like doing anything that I am not good at.”

I know I have been called to a certain life, to accomplish particular things and this season in my life is preparing me for that.

But I think the greatest lesson I have learned is that it’s okay to just not be good at something.

I read this great quote…

As Christians we are called to live in excellence, to do all things for God and not for man.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  1 Corinthians 10:31

And He is going to help us along…

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

So what I am trying to say is this…

Get out of your comfort zone. Don’t step, don’t tip toe…JUMP. He has given you everything you need to accomplish all that He has put on your heart.

Start today. Whether it’s writing a book or getting healthy. If it’s asking that girl out or talking to your neighbor who just needs a friend.

Do something that you are not good at.

Do something that scares you because you really never know what will come from it or whose life you will impact.

I got a letter after I wrote a particularly “scary” post on SWL. Without sharing someone else’s story the letter detailed how the post helped someone through a break up. The truth? I hated writing that post. I cried writing it. I didn’t want to share it because I knew that it might get a couple people angry (if they misunderstood my intentions), it was uncomfortable.

However, as I read the words of one girl knowing that she was worth more than rubies all the uncomfortable feelings I had left me and I realized that although I didn’t like doing it…it impacted someone.

So maybe snowboarding or speaking Swedish perfectly doesn’t seem like something that will impact or make a difference but who knows? At least I’m going to try…

I’m sitting in a cafe at the moment, waiting for a friend and for the beginning of three days of home-exam torture. I can’t believe the first year of my MSc is over in just a few days.

Back to the immediate present. A man is sat just feet away, dressed in all his finery, well-groomed with Gatsby-esque demeanour exuding from his very presence, something is not quite right. He seems unsettled and nervous until I realise that beside him is a bottle of Taittinger and one of the most beautiful bouquets of roses I have seen ever. I can only imagine what he has planned for the person who will receive that and more, what piece of beautiful prose is hidden in the card that waits its receiver.

LOVE.

What is LOVE?

I stumbled across this video just now and having watched it can only admit that crying in public has become less of an issue recently. Take a moment and watch…it’s only 3 minutes.

That kind of love is the love that dreams are made of, but do we know what that kind of love really is.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The world needs more of that kind of love. That selfless, undying kind of love in all areas of our lives. From our spouses, boyfriends, sisters, family, friends or simply the person you meet on the side of the road. A love without selfish motivation, a love that looks outward.

“Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not ‘require, demand, anticipate, expect reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving”. -Paul Tripp

That’s the kind of love I want to exude…

The kind of love that doesn’t role it’s eyes when asked to do someone a favour. 

The kind of love that gets up every morning and ensures that breakfast is ready and the coffee is made.

The kind of love that stays up all night when someone just needs to talk. 

The kind of love that doesn’t make snide comments when *that* person begins to talk. 

The kind of love that knows makes people light up inside. 

It’s a lofty goal and one that I am sure I will always be striving towards but it’s a goal and one that I want to work towards for the rest of my life.

Join me?

The first time I ever heard Christine Caine speak she spoke about being pregnant.

It was my first time at a Hillsong Women’s event and I was a bit overwhelmed. I had only been living in London 2 months and everything was up in the air. I had no permanent job (at least not what I wanted to be doing) and well, pretty much my entire life was ahead of me. I listened to Christine talk about how there is a reason that women need to be at full term before giving birth. If the baby comes too early then it just isn’t the time.

I was, admittedly, distracted or even too focused on trying to get life right, to really allow this message to set in. I wish I had listened better because I could have avoided a lot of heartache.

Too early, too late, not the right time…

All these things have been factors in my life and if I’m direct, it has not been until recently that I have seen the affects that being impatient or not letting things developed has had on my life.

I’m a planner. If you read any of my posts from the last year or so you’ll see this is a theme I constantly struggle with. I like to know what’s next, what will the outcome be, where life is going.

However, as I listened to a song as I walked home this morning, I realized that has all changed. While of course, habits do not change overnight or in a split second, so I’ll likely still have my moments, I have come to realize that I am okay with waiting.

Out there

Thousand years into the future

Almost nothing of it seems sure

Things so rarely stay the same

Right here

In these burning simple seconds

Living out all your best guesses

Someone’s calling out your name

And you get carried away

Carried away (carried away, carried away)

Carried away (carried away, carried away)

Carried away (carried away, carried away)

Carried away (carried away, carried away)

 Teach me to know my number of days

Hold out my heart from getting carried

I’m one of those visionary type of people. I have ideas, I like projects, I love creating. My heart can easily get carried away with what will be.

However, just like a baby needs to be in the womb for a certain amount of time in order to develop, grow and be strong, so too is this the same for many aspects of life.

I want to give examples of things that you may need to wait for but something doesn’t feel right about that. I can however, tell you that I personally am at a stage where I am okay to wait.

You know when you’re making pancakes and you bite into a mouthful of batter? If you had just left the temperature a bit lower and let them cook a bit longer they not only would not have been burned but also, they would have been cooked all the way through. They would have been perfect.

In a season where for me, everything has changed and is in a bit of a “pull the arrow back before it’s launched” kind of season, I’m ready to wait. No pressure, no worry, no getting carried away…

Just living a life, loving it, enjoying the process and seeing where it all goes…

“keep my heart from getting carried…away”

I hesitated for weeks to even click. Something inside stopped me from clicking on that link. Something that was hurt. I didn’t want to see another video of what someone else thought was real beauty. Being in marketing I have become somewhat prone to the view of “natural beauty” that the media had concocted.

As a member of the “SWL Family” (So Worth Loving, a lifestyle brand devoted to and committed to building value into others and believing you are so worth loving) I sometimes feel like I struggle more now because I constantly think about ensuring that my thoughts live up to the standard I am asking others to live up to.

So a weeks ago I the following words appeared on the SWL blog here:

I stood in front of the mirror and inspect every inch of my body; the curves and lines where working out has defined my stomach and my arms.  I consider muscles in my legs, which carried me through my first half marathon or the gentle slope of my hips where years of hard work have paid off. I look at my hands that write words of encouragement or my eyes, big and teal green, which give away every emotion I have…

Today, as I sat on my couch, getting ready for another day I finally clicked on that link.

As I watched as women and men, described themselves vastly different than what others saw them as, I began to cry. We are so easily blinded by our imperfections. Our scars, our extra curves, our too straight hips, our narrow lips…whatever it is that we see as not quite perfect. It hurt to think that I probably would have done the same thing, most of us would … we so often fail to see our beauty…

Our beauty, whether man or women, comes from not only what we physically look like, the way that God delicately and with great detail, crafted us but our stories, our circumstances, the people who have come in and out of our lives, the way we speak to others, our thoughts, our hearts…

Real beauty is an accumulation of all of these things.

As I watched this video I had to apologise to myself. I had to apologise for picking apart that which I don’t love, that which I look at with disgust and that which I take for granted. Instead of the strong arms, the big eyes, the loving heart, I, like many others, simply tear apart each detail. Don’t get me wrong…I’m pretty confident and have been blessed with amazing family who have instilled in me value, worth and understanding that my identity is in Christ, but I also have pretty awful days too…

So, today…and likely every day…as I continue to make myself stronger and healthier physically I hope, as is the goal of SWL and campaigns like Dove Real Beauty, that I change my thought life to be consistent with the truth.

For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well.

My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately andcuriously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery].

Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. -Psalm 139:13-16

Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind[by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]. -Romans 12:2

“shut up, shut up, shut up!!” (Black Eye Peas song in your head yet?)

Do you ever scream that at yourself? You can hear yourself talking, babbling on and you just.can’t.stop.

I do. I talk when I get nervous. Recently sitting across from someone, after dinner, chatting, I knew I should just stop talking and enjoy the moment, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t keep silent because I did not know what would happen if I just stopped. I was scared. If I stopped talking I’d lose control of the conversation and anything could happen. (really I’m not neurotic…)

Sometimes I create noise just so that I don’t have have to stop and see what happens next. If I keep going…then at least I know where I am headed.

The thing is, I reckon we do that a lot with God. We keep ourselves busy, we fill the silence with talking, with internet, with music, with thoughts, with whatever distracts us from hearings God’s voice. If we keep talking or keep planning…keep ourselves, busy, then we can direct our lives. When we create a lot of noise then we allow ourselves to remain in control.

We say that we want what God has for us. We say that we trust God. We say that we want His plan but then our actions speak differently.

Recently I awoke early and did not need to get out of bed so I put on some worship music. Playing softly the words of “Oceans (where feet may fail)” filled my room and as I quieted my heart and mind I was again reminded of God’s providence.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

I think of Peter when God called him onto the water. When he kept focused on God’s voice he walked fine. HE WALKED ON WATER! Seriously, this guy just got out of a boat, in a storm and walked on water. Have you tried walking on water lately? I live in Sweden and the closest thing I get is walking on ice. Walking on water is simply not possible without God. In fact, many things aren’t possible without God.

When Peter began to listen to the noise around him, he began to sink. It was more than the fact that he stopped focusing on God. He just could not shut up. While he may not have been literally been talking, the voices in his head allowed doubt to enter his mind and heart and change his direction. In this case, it was actually DOWN…he was sinking. However, when we shut out all the voices, the opinions, the advice and listen to what God is saying, our direction, our paths, remain straight.

God gave us his word to light our path.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:6

He said he goes before us and prepares the way.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

We can trust him to lead us and give us the best.

It’s really time to cut out the noise. I am a proponent for good, strong wisdom from friends and mentors. We need community to live our lives and we need input from others. However, sometimes we take that too far and instead of praying about it, searching His word or simply being still, and we just listen to everyone else. Well, everyone has an agenda. Other people do not see your entire future. We exist within space and time and a specific context. While advice and input is important we must keep our hearts focused on the one whose love is unconditional, who knows your days, and the number of hairs on your head. have you prayed about it as much as you’ve talked about it?

So, I am learning to just shut up…in all areas of my life…and trust that the next steps are His best for me.

Psalm 46:10 says that we need to be still and know that God is, well God.

This is a simple post. Nothing ground breaking or revolutionary. It’s a post about the simplest yet the most complicated aspect of life. It’s about love.

Actually, it’s about more than that…it’s about commitment.

A couple married 65 years were asked how they have stayed married for such an extraordinary amount of time. Their answer: “we come from a time when we fixed what was broken instead of simply throwing it away.”

One of my favourite movies of all time is When Harry Met Sally. More than the story itself  (although it’s got some funny lines!!) I adore the vignettes that run throughout the film, where  elderly couples tell stories about how they met. Each with a unique and very amusing story. My favourite line is “At that moment I knew I knew like you know a good melon”

How many times have you walked down the street and seen an older couple walking, holding hands and gone “aww”? Or maybe, like me, you recently watched as a gentleman of around 70 stood on the platform, waiting for the train, clutching a bouquet of flowers, and wondered…do you think he gets those for his wife every week? or even every day? I wonder what the occasion is?

Some people dream of an epic romance, some simply want to be married (the latter, I feel sorry for). I want a best friend. Someone who can make me laugh until my stomach hurts. Someone whose passion for life, people and God shines. Someone who will dance with me at 3am in the middle of the kitchen when life is a bit too hard, to celebrate or just because we want to.

I want a love that knows that when things are broken you fix it.

I reckon that there’s not enough of that in our lives nowadays. Commitment. Honour. Devotion.

In a world that is becoming more transient it’s easier to think that someone better will come along. In a world where there’s plenty of opportunity to not commit to the job that you have been entrusted with. In a world where consumer goods are becoming less expensive or upgrades, updates and new versions are constantly available, not to be satisfied with what you have because getting something new is just too easy.

So instead of flaking out, throwing it away or giving up…

Let our yes’s be yes and our no’s be no. Let’s be people whose word means something. Let’s fall in love with our best friend and make it work because the world needs examples of people who just don’t give up.

Let’s keep running the race…let’s commit.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith -2 Timothy 4:7

And you got nowhere else to go
And you’re lost within your own home
And you’re trying so hard to win
You keep trying its embarrassing
And how you don’t even know
But you know you’re off the tracks
And how did you get in here
Thinking how did I get in here

I’ll help you break the walls down
I’ll help you break the walls down
And bust you out and take you home
Believe in me you are not alone
I’ll help you break the walls down

-The Rocket Summer, Walls

Brick by brick. Stone by stone.

With each broken promise, with every dream never realised, with each empty word falling flat, the walls were built.

With each slanderous word, with each whisper of gossip, with each backstabbing thought, the walls were built.

With each painful glance at the mirror, with each damaging thought, with each murmur of self-doubt, the walls were built.

With each break up, with each broken friendship, with each moment of abuse, the walls were built.

Brick by brick. Stone by stone.

The walls went up. and up. and up.

-mp. 2013

Your walls look different than mine. Mine may be brick, with graffiti and big windows. Yours may be concrete, scratched by years of pain or maybe wood, damaged by the rain of tears.

Walls are dangerous. While healthy boundaries force you to look up and keep you protected, walls keep you hidden, closed off and unable to grow.

A lot of the time our walls are invisible to us. The walls we have built are for protection against more pain (in whatever form). They keep the abuser at bay, they keep the potential of heartbreak from existing, they hold the world away.

These walls are usually not visible to others, in fact, often over compensation leads those around you to believe you are just fine. We act out in order to preserve our dignity; over compensate to hide the pain.

Admittedly I have built walls more than once in my life. Self-preservation yielded the need to hide, to run away, to close off so that as not to allow someone else to tell me that I wasn’t good enough…

I stopped writing, stopped singing, stopped being me because “me” wasn’t good enough.

Most recently I built up walls around my heart. My mom told me I am stand offish. I’m not even sure that’s a real word but apparently whenever she sees someone show interest I turn into stone.

What I thought was healed was merely mended. Although no longer in pain the next step, the one that would allow me to move on was to break down the walls.

For the former, breaking down the walls meant getting up in front of a whole lot of my friends who had never heard me sing and just belt it out at a friend’s wedding in France. It was there that I found the courage to break the walls down and believe that I was enough.

Now, for me, it’s vulnerability of the heart. In this case, when it comes to my heart, it means letting someone in again. It means even simply allowing myself to be myself with another person, to let him see me, to know me, to consider the possibility of more. It’s often a prayer, a cry out to God, going…protect me Lord, because I’m trying here…

The thing with walls is, that even if they were built because of something done to us, we choose to be victims and build the walls. Walls are built because we do not feel that we are enough. We may not feel that we can overcome the pain, the abuse, the heartache…whatever the case may be (and to varying degrees these things are not easy and may require, in some cases, professional assistance*), but they do take a first step of believing that we are good enough for a complete and fulfilled and whole life.

Understanding your value and knowing you are completely worthy of being whole is not easy. It requires acceptance of flaws, understanding that no one is perfect, and most importantly, I believe, the knowledge that you were created with a plan in mind. Intricately, fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Knowing that the King of Kings loves you and planned your very existence can help break those walls down.

He wants you to be whole, to live a full life, in relationship with Him and in healthy relationship with others.

go on, let Him break your walls down.

side note: if you or someone you know needs professional help please contact your local church or medical professional, or talk to a friend. We’re not in this life alone. x

author’s note: I wrote this a few weeks before I moved to Sweden. I didn’t share it then, but I thought why not? We can always learn from our past. 

I was 22 with a degree plus a bunch of other letters in front of my name…I packed my bags, booked a plane ticket and moved to England, alone. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, or what was next;  I only knew that I wanted out of Canada and that I liked the idea of being in PR. Admittedly I have spent a lot of the last seven years trying to figure this all out…

So here I am…a few years past 18… and my life just changed all over again…I cannot tell you what you should do for a living or who you should marry but I can tell you what I have learned…a girl, trying to be a good woman and trying to honour this life I have been given while I’m here…

1. Don’t expect the world to do anything for you…instead, expect to be the person who goes above and beyond.

You will stand out in whatever environment you are put in, whether it’s work, serving in church or living with your new housemates. When you choose to put in the extra bit of effort that will be seen. My boss was always amazed that I ask for reviews every 3-6 months; however I’m the only one in our team who has been promoted twice in three years. Go the extra mile and people will notice…

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24

It’s the term that describes how actors are framed within a scene. It is how the director places characters so the story is best told.

It’s a very French word for framing.

We all do it. When we take a photograph whether on film or digital. Whether you intend to print it and hang it on the wall or put it up on instagram, you frame the moment.  When taking the photo, you keep or take away that which you want to remember or forget.

We do that with life most of the time. We look at the moments framed by the present. We see the here and now and understand our past or future within that context. What is often forgotten, what is often left outside of the frame, is that the Author of our lives is outside of time.

This past week I had the absolute privilege of taking up 14 of our youth up to the mountains along with 3 of our other youth leaders. One night as we were getting everyone to bed I stopped in the hall to speak with one of the pastors leading the camp. She and I started talking and realised that we had a mutual friend, from Canada, in common. As we spoke, we found out that actually we have a couple of friends in common. I was so excited. First, having any connection to something from home but even more because it was an answer to a prayer from earlier in the evening.

You see, being in Sweden, is really not where I thought I would be. In fact, if I’m completely honest, which I try to be on here, I did not think (or rather I hoped) that I would not leave London single. Don’t get me wrong I have no inherent problem being single I just didn’t think that I would have to start again, “all alone”. I sat in our evening service and cried, trying to hide the tears as they fell with no control down my face. Part exhaustion, but mainly simply the feeling that I had been left all alone to start over again, in a country where I’m just beginning to speak the language, still having those moments where I laugh, simply because someone else is, and where I’m still adjusting to the differences in culture. Where, being a student again, I’m just not sure what is next. Of course I’m living life here as if I’m staying forever, but I don’t have a crystal ball and like anyone, it’s not always easy to know what that next step is going to be.

It was just a moment, and I stopped, prayed and just asked God, again, to give me a sign, a big one, to remind me of His goodness, His plans, His grace on my life.

And He did…in the form of one blonde, Swedish pastor.

You see, that meeting reminded me of what brought me to Sweden. Sure I went back to school to do my MSc. Practically, that brought me out here, but more than that I can see now that it was so much more. If I look back at the snap shots of life I look at moments I have framed individually in my mind.

1) I was 12 years old and I met LJ whose older sister KA would later become a dear friend and end up living in Stockholm.

2) My mom took me to “dinner in Sweden” one night when I was visiting her when she was living in Denmark.

3) Randomly meeting a guy from Gothenburg in London and learning to count from 1-10 in Swedish while trying to stay awake all night to catch our flights.

4) Connecting A into her first connect group in London and she eventually moved back to Stockholm and became part of our church here.

5) Moving to London and shortly after, meeting another A, who eventually moved back to Stockholm and is part of Hillsong here as well.

6) Meeting D on the Underground in London and then KA ending up in her connect group in Stockholm.

7) Coming to Stockholm from London, for work and realising how many people I knew already…

Seven simple and very brief snapshots of life. Individually, they mean nothing. They are simply pictures put in frames, memories, good times, moments left in the past.

But put pictures together and flip them really fast and what you get is a film.

There’s a theory in Film studies called the Auteur theory. It says that the film directly correlates to the author’s vision.

My life, your life, has an author. He began my story many many years ago. He wrote it perfectly and with such care to ensure every detail was carefully written out as to make the perfect life for you. Things are not always going to go perfectly and there may be a few extra shots in their that are not ideal, but the film has an ending and with Him all things are worked out for good.

I may not know how my film ends yet (and believe me, I am confident that there is still much more to be accomplished) but now, as I look back at the “dailies” of my life so far (that which has been already filmed), then I see that the Author of my life has a strong, firm vision and I can fully trust in it.

Trust in the Lord, with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding…Proverbs 3:5