So here it is. They (whoever they is?) say that admission is the step to recovery. I hereby admit that I am a planner. Early 2010 I am pretty sure that I got an email from my friend E saying that I was stressing her out with all my planning for our trip to Eastern Europe. This freaked me out a bit because it’s the last thing I want to do. I’ve always been a planner. According to my Meyers Briggs personality test it’s in my personality to plan (around people and their needs, less so mine). It’s usually just so that I’m not surprised. I am the girl who packs too much not because she is vain but because she needs to be prepared. I’m not good at being surprised and I’ve been known to plan what I might wear to a party weeks in advance.
To justify this I do lead a big life so planning is key, to an extent.
A few months ago E decided that she was going to try and plan her social plans so much; leaving room for what might happen or come up. Only committing to that which is important…shortly after I decided to follow suit, in my own time. It didn’t work well.
I don’t believe that God always makes things happen to test you or to change you. I believe that He uses the choices you make, or the events that happen to you, to guide you along the path of becoming more like Him. I clearly needed help in this area (and when I say clearly, I mean hindsight is 20/20 and now I see how He worked and is still working on/in me).
Over the last few months there have been a lot of changes including my stepfather dying very quickly, heartbreak, roles changing in many areas of my life and a plethora of other things that have altered the way I see life. Among these admittedly awful experiences there have been many blessings too (I don’t want to sound whiny).
For a girl who likes to have her week, days and months planned out the knowledge that life can change to an extreme within minutes jarred me.
Proverbs 3:5 states: Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Mid Summer I spent 10 days in France, a trip, I’m pretty was destined, as I needed the time off, to just think and pray. I decided that week to really stop planning. I realised that my planning obsession (the part that was over and above my personality type) was an issue of TRUST.
Trust in God, in others, in myself. I’ll go more into detail later…because this post is about the exciting part…
Proverbs 16:9 says that “In his heart a man plans his course but the LORD determines his steps.
That is my meditation…I can dream, dream as big as possible, and my steps to fulfill that dream will be taken care of. I just need to be faithful with what I have in my hand and the rest will come. Treat myself right, love others, love God and honour what I have been entrusted with.
A wise person once said that if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never know how to get there. Kind of like, write your vision and make it plain…
so last night, before I went to bed I sat and wrote out my dreams…my real dreams…and I challenge you to do this. I wouldn’t normally share this but I think that sometimes being vulnerable to others helps others get vulnerable with themselves.
- speak French, Spanish, German and Dutch or Korean, FLUENTLY
- play guitar well
- write an album full of songs
- Produce a movie (or 10)
- Produce a live musical (in a major city)
- learn to play my violin
- marry a man who is passionate about God, me and others
- own a place in New York and Paris
- run my own PR company
- write at least one book
- play a significant impact on abolishing slavery in the 21st century
- run a centre for creative arts for young adults
note: these aren’t in order of importance.
I want to leave my life knowing I’ve used every talent given to me…so that’s my list. I’m 28 and not sure how I’ll do it but it says that man plans his course and God directs his path…so…let’s go! see you on the otherside.